Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

So much has happened that I want to tell you. It has been 389 days since you left this world which is one giant mind boggle because some days I feel like you are still here. I call you sometimes, expecting that you will be there to pick up and it's not until I get sent to voicemail that reality kicks in, and I know you are not there to answer. That's one of the hardest adjustments to the whole dead dad thing. So many of our conversations and memories that I look back at took place on the phone at random hours of the day. You were the person I would call when anything happened to me, whether it be positive or not. Not having that anymore makes me cringe. Sometimes, when I'm not in public, I do pretend to call you though. I talk to you, and I really hope you are out there listening because if not I would just feel like a crazy person!

And then there are times when I feel like you're doing the same to me. You've been in some of my dreams and I can't help but feel you are trying to tell me something. A wise woman once told me "If you are aware that they are passed in the dream then it is a visit, if you are unaware however, it is just a memory." When I wake up in the morning I feel whole again, like the part of me that was missing is finally back in place. You and mom made me who I am today; you accepted all of my weirdness and loved me for who I was. I was not only myself with you, I was my best self with you. You taught me so many things that I'm grateful for; cooking, humor, and generosity are just some examples.

There is one memory I always look back on. We were driving around Vermont for my parents weekend freshman year in the G Wagon. The leaves were changing, Jimmy Buffet was on the radio, and the weather was perfect. You wouldn't let me put on the GPS because "you're always right and never get lost." We ended up in Stowe for brunch (our favorite meal) at McCarthy's Diner, you had your Eggs Benedict and I had my omelet. I didn't know it at the time, but that was our last brunch together. As we hit the road again we drove past a random ski lift that was running. You pulled over, got out of the car, and started walking over to it. I thought you were crazy but I followed you anyways... (This was usually the case whenever we would go out in public). We rode up the mountain in silence, sitting side by side admiring the view. I didn't want to go to school in Vermont, but you made me look at schools here anyway, and I'm so glad you did. Because if it weren't for you pushing me,  we never would have shared this moment. When I meditate and try to find my happy place I always end up back on that chair lift, except this time it's not only with my dad, it's with my guardian angel.

I miss you like crazy Dad, but I'm doing okay. Aj is taking over as the protective man in my life and I must say, he's doing a very good job! Mom's trudging through life being the superstar that she is. Seriously though, I don't know how she does it. Even though none of us are the same as we were when you were here, I can promise you this... You will never be forgotten. You have changed all of us. You came so far in your life, from your shitty childhood to the chef, car enthusiast, watch collector, goof-ball, friend, husband, and father that we all love so much. I look at your strength and know that no matter how hard my day may seem, knowing the journey you went through to where you ended up inspires me to push through it. Thank you for continuing to be my rock, and for always being there when I need a shoulder squeeze.

Love you,
Your Daughter
Mippington